Life's Sense Of Humour

I promised myself, if ever I am to fall in love, then I shall fall in love with a funny man.
Someone who undertood my sense of humour.
Life has a quirky sense of humour.
I should like to crack my own jokes, thankyou very much.

The only chance for me to fall in love is if and when I got married
But what if that didnt happen?
What if I spent my entire life waiting and trying for that to happen?
Would that be it?
How do people deal with living half a life?

I am 22, going on 23. And the reaction I have to the whatever magnanimity of life there is; "Is this it?"

There is a constant search for something that isnt there
I dont know what is missing
But the small talk depresses me
The conversations that are dragged on for no reason depress me
People who have no deeper understanding of what I am and where I come from depress me

And the thing is, no matter how long or short a while you may know each other, spiritualism and a deeper  connection is a gift granted and not earned.

Its a gift
essential for survival
Well, at least for me

As a dear friend once said to me, whenever I find such jewels, I collect and keep them safely by me.

And such jewels shine when there is no light around me
When the hollow inside my soul is haunting me
These jewels sparkle and reassure
That I am not alone

What if there is no jewel like that for me after all this is over?
What if there is just the hollowness of my soul
And the haunting calls of depression

There are people who have hope
And passion
And at least a little zeal
For the future

I am not one of them.

There are little lessons
Little but important lessons
That I have learnt

To never trust a person who talks about other people to you
Who backbites
Who takes you into his confidence
Because you are no different to him than any other person

So conversations must be gauged before they are released to be suspended in air
Forever

I have learnt never to trust a person who spends too much time adorning his 'zaahir'
If the 'baatin' is beautiful
There is no need to adorne the zaahir

If the insides are hollow
And ugly
And you keep on telling others what a bad person you are
Then you dont really believe that , do you?
You just need a pat on the back

"No honey, you are not a monster." Is what I must tell you
And lull you back to sleep

But life has a quirky sense of humour, doesn't it?
Those who are beautiful must live in the darkness of disbelief
And the bejewelled must be praised till there is nothing left of this world

So when I crack my own jokes, I am the only one laughing.