Life With Resting BitchFace

Now when I read the title myself, it seems as if I am married to some Mr Resting BitchFace.
That would make me Mrs Resting BitchFace

Let me clarify this stupid ambiguity.

I have been, am and always will be Ms Resting BitchFace.
There is no mister. Thankyou for the curiosity.

Before I begin a psuedo-philosophical rant about how having a seriously dead face is the best thing that has ever happened to me, let me tell you all a joke.

Its rather funny.

I command you to laugh.

"There was once a Sardar. (YES ITS A SARDAR JOKE. Judge me)
Who lived in London. On a sunny day, he took out his chair out in the porch and sat to sunbathe.
A Londoner passed him by and asked,
"Are you 'resting'?"
Sardar was confused by the question. He replied, "No, I am Kartar Singh."

The Londoner shrugged and went off.
In 5 minutes time, another passer by asked him the same question.
"Are you resting?"
"No I am Kartar Singh." He replied rather agitatedly

Since no one would let him sunbathe, he started to walk on the footpath in his lane.
One of his neighbors had his chair out while he lay with his eyes closed.
Sardar went ahead and asked, "Are you 'resting'?"

The guy said, "Yes, of course I am resting."
Sardar slapped him on the face and said, "Tu ithay betha aen, uthay dunya tenu labdi pae ae!" "

I would give you all a minute to catch your breaths

So the point I was making was not that I tell terrible jokes.

But its the dilemma that I have a face that compels people to ask me, "What is wrong?"

So I ask you
Very seriously
You tell me it is impolite to ask a limping man what is wrong with his leg
and a blind girl why cant she see
Then how is it okay to ask someone why their face is the way it is

Is it not some sort of very-political-'ism'?
Because it should be/better be an 'ism'.

I was a scary child
Demonic
Rogue
And with no regard for anyone's personal intergrity
But it was not the numerous slaps/kicks/'littar' I had showered people with that earned me the ask-no-question wali izzat

It was my face

As a class fellow very eloquently informed everyone back in fifth grade, "Banday ko Sania hona chye, ghoor kr chup kradeti hai."

Surprise doon?
I never used to stare. Ghoori nai mari kabhi.

Being in Army chanced me with the pleasure (eekh-.-) of meeting many new people in many different school.

My first day in APS Hamayun Road was punctuated by a very goth/punk girl approaching me and without an introduction, she informed me that I looked scary.

Whattay welcome

Ever since then, I have learned to live with this ailment with pride.

What I will do is be a "wanna be" and make a lame Buzzfeed inspired list like all cool people do.

So here are the few perks that having a resting bitch face earns you.

1- No Small Talk
Having a stern look on your face doesn't give out a very receptive vibe for small talk. Public transport is very peaceful, Thank God.
I generally do not have to make an effort to let people know that I am not interested.

2- No Arguments
You just have to keep a straight face, do not blink for a minute and all arguments come to an end.
Go. Run. Try.

3- Kids Cry When They See You
Not all of them actually cry to be honest. Some kids also have a resting bitch face.
But some bawl like a baby. (Oh sorry, they are actually babies. My bad)
And it is fun to make someone cry without having to move a muscle.

4- People Always Give You Food When Stare At Them
THIS IS A MUST TRY.
Keep a straight face.
Do not blink.
Eyes wide open.
Ask them once for food.
And stare like your life depends on it.
You will get free food.

5- People Readily Apologize For No ReasonThe thing is when people say Salam to me, I nod.
I am replying Wallaikum Salam in my heart
But my face says, "I am deeply offended by your existence"
There is a little miscommunication and people always apologize. For things that are so tiny that you actually end up laughing.

6- 'This Is My Face' Is Always Fun To Say
I have been told zillion times by teachers that I look sad/angry/tired/sleepy/agitated.
Well, it is just my face. With a moon face and bilateral partial ptosis and vertical squint.
And "this is my face" is what I always tell them.
Until recently, it shut everyone up.

Now a teacher actually told me, "We will have to do something about it."

So yeah, I might be getting a face transplant.

See ya

Angel's Invasion: The Conquest We Have All Been Waiting For

Featuring:

Tahir Shah:
The Man We Don't Need But  Deserve

White Ainjal

The tiara and the lipstick! :O

Various Baby Ainjals

How long has it been, my Ainjal, since I last saw you?

How many flowers have sprung since your silence was last broken?

More than two years

"Without you, my love stays alone

Like mermaids live alone"

"After all this time?", asks the White Ainjal

"Always.", replies the purple and the blue and the black Ainjals in unison.

And several gardens sprang to life with it

Still a better love story than Twilight

What really is an Ainjal? I asked

Tahir is always quick to reply. Very fast Ainjal, he is.

" I and You

Both like Ainjals

Within a Human

Is an Ainjal

Lala lalaa lala lalaa"

I was scared. To be very honest.

His reply made me think back to all the times when I used to walk on the street of my village and kids used to call, "moti, moti" after me.

Not that this is anything like it in its true essence

But something tells me that

A word from him

A wrong sniff of the wrong flower

And any leisurely walk in the park could turn me into the White Ainjal (I guess)

So I told him, "Though I am Human, I don't want to be an Ainjal. Thankyou very much."

Something about this sentence pissed him off

But like a  patient Ainjal he says

"Like Ainjals

Love Other Ainjals

Lala lalaa lala lalaa"

No. Its too hard. I am out. And I had to leave.

This is how Ainjals fall.

Not because they commit sins God cannot forgive them for

But because they try to fly their massive weights with the cardboard wings

Call the manufacturer and file a complaint.

"Sorry sir, but we donot accept claims on luggage that exceeds the suggested weight limit. Call your own manufacturer."

So the Ainjal called God and tried to file a complaint

But God had other ideas for him

"Come back up, Ainjal. Your flowers are asking for you."

Ainjal only laughed and then said, "Nice try God, but flowers stay silent. They donot speak."

And he sang until the call was dropped

" Like beautiful petals of a flower

All Ainjals remain quiet

Like those flowers that remain silent

But spread their essence and always reside jovial

Lala lalaa lala lalaa"

Ainjal 1 : Universe 0

There was a visitor one night and the Ainjal answered the door

"Who is it?"

"You have been calling after me for days, Zarmeenay and now you are asking me  who I am? Open the door."

Ainjal fastened the dressing gown and opened the door, bewildered.

"Who are you?"

 "I am Lala. Your Lala, Zarmeenay. Lala lala. Now put your makeup back on, I have come to take you back."

After a long session of emotions, sadness and flirtation, Lala had to leave empty handed.

Its a myth

A true mind boggling one as well

Who is the Ainjal's tailor?

Some say she is a seamstress from the Brooke Street, London

Others have suggested a rogue tailor, rejected by the Jedi Temple for unconventional desgins

Master Anakin Skywalker

Its a shame that this world doesn't appreciates artists

The tailor was a fallen Ainjal

Tahir Shah picked him up

The four unisex gowns showcased in the video are the teaser to what is about to happen in Paris this season

Thankyou for opening our eyes.

I cannot seem to close them now.

You may ask how and why have I named the article "Angel's Invasion:The Conquest We All Have Been Waiting For"?

Because well, where is the invasion?

And how can there be a conquest?

Did anyone notice the speed with which Ainjals reproduce?

The generation time is barely 2minutes

And the progeny always comes half grown. And angry. Like Baby Viking Ainjals. With tiaras. And wigs. Optional of course.

Could.kil.his.own.father.

Ainjals are the new rabbits, people.

Since Mars has water now, lets leave before we all have to wear golden wigs.

Knock knock

Who is there?

Ainjal!

What do you want?

I heard you were leaving Earth

Yes. So?

And he broke into a song

"Shining like a star

An Ainjal character speak like a flower

The stars are decorated by Ainjals

Lala lalaa lala lalaa"

And there was a menancing laughter before silence fell.

It is a universal invasion.

We must accept our fates as fallen Ainjals.
For all its worth, since the Ainjals have fallen, its time the sky falls too

Earth's Sky After the Conquest

.

FROM SAHIL, WITH UNDYING LOVE

So when I said that ALL girls hated Sahil, I did not know I would be hurting the feelings of a dear friend.

                                                      Meet AMNA KHALIL

Almost a doctor

Certified tharki

Writer

Friend

Cancer (the star, not the disease. Stop being so morbid, people!)

Aashiq

Tarroo buddy

Miss OH-EM-JEE

    Sarcastic

     Stupid

         Sometimes, may look cute

 Baker

   Girrafie-fan XD

SOURCES REACTIONS RECREATIONS

Note: This article includes generalisation in terms of its audience/addressee implying that it includes me aswell. Please do not take anything personally. Moreover, it does not include any hint of my personal political or religious views.

We, the proud, well educated youth, have one and only one source of our knowledge: Facebook.

Take a moment and deny it. Shake that head of yours (as it is the summer vacations, then most probably, shake a head full of oil filled dirty hair, but no offence).

Done, are we?
Good!!

Moving onto the newsfeed-cum-newspaper scenario, what is usually the reaction of people when they hear a terrible news over the internet? Does the news really affect our lives, beyond a status update? When we break our fasts, how many of us really pray for freedom of Gaza?

But that is not the point. Here is what most people do to their newsfeed. :D

EYE TO EYE- YOUR BABY STEPS TO LEARN ADJECTIVES

When I was a little girl, I had to change a lot of schools and consequently I had to take all these entrance tests. They were all Army Public schools  and my dad is an officer so it didnt really matter what I wrote in them. Which was great because I didn't really. Write in them. At all.