Life With Resting BitchFace

Now when I read the title myself, it seems as if I am married to some Mr Resting BitchFace.
That would make me Mrs Resting BitchFace

Let me clarify this stupid ambiguity.

I have been, am and always will be Ms Resting BitchFace.
There is no mister. Thankyou for the curiosity.

Before I begin a psuedo-philosophical rant about how having a seriously dead face is the best thing that has ever happened to me, let me tell you all a joke.

Its rather funny.

I command you to laugh.

"There was once a Sardar. (YES ITS A SARDAR JOKE. Judge me)
Who lived in London. On a sunny day, he took out his chair out in the porch and sat to sunbathe.
A Londoner passed him by and asked,
"Are you 'resting'?"
Sardar was confused by the question. He replied, "No, I am Kartar Singh."

The Londoner shrugged and went off.
In 5 minutes time, another passer by asked him the same question.
"Are you resting?"
"No I am Kartar Singh." He replied rather agitatedly

Since no one would let him sunbathe, he started to walk on the footpath in his lane.
One of his neighbors had his chair out while he lay with his eyes closed.
Sardar went ahead and asked, "Are you 'resting'?"

The guy said, "Yes, of course I am resting."
Sardar slapped him on the face and said, "Tu ithay betha aen, uthay dunya tenu labdi pae ae!" "

I would give you all a minute to catch your breaths

So the point I was making was not that I tell terrible jokes.

But its the dilemma that I have a face that compels people to ask me, "What is wrong?"

So I ask you
Very seriously
You tell me it is impolite to ask a limping man what is wrong with his leg
and a blind girl why cant she see
Then how is it okay to ask someone why their face is the way it is

Is it not some sort of very-political-'ism'?
Because it should be/better be an 'ism'.

I was a scary child
Demonic
Rogue
And with no regard for anyone's personal intergrity
But it was not the numerous slaps/kicks/'littar' I had showered people with that earned me the ask-no-question wali izzat

It was my face

As a class fellow very eloquently informed everyone back in fifth grade, "Banday ko Sania hona chye, ghoor kr chup kradeti hai."

Surprise doon?
I never used to stare. Ghoori nai mari kabhi.

Being in Army chanced me with the pleasure (eekh-.-) of meeting many new people in many different school.

My first day in APS Hamayun Road was punctuated by a very goth/punk girl approaching me and without an introduction, she informed me that I looked scary.

Whattay welcome

Ever since then, I have learned to live with this ailment with pride.

What I will do is be a "wanna be" and make a lame Buzzfeed inspired list like all cool people do.

So here are the few perks that having a resting bitch face earns you.

1- No Small Talk
Having a stern look on your face doesn't give out a very receptive vibe for small talk. Public transport is very peaceful, Thank God.
I generally do not have to make an effort to let people know that I am not interested.

2- No Arguments
You just have to keep a straight face, do not blink for a minute and all arguments come to an end.
Go. Run. Try.

3- Kids Cry When They See You
Not all of them actually cry to be honest. Some kids also have a resting bitch face.
But some bawl like a baby. (Oh sorry, they are actually babies. My bad)
And it is fun to make someone cry without having to move a muscle.

4- People Always Give You Food When Stare At Them
THIS IS A MUST TRY.
Keep a straight face.
Do not blink.
Eyes wide open.
Ask them once for food.
And stare like your life depends on it.
You will get free food.

5- People Readily Apologize For No ReasonThe thing is when people say Salam to me, I nod.
I am replying Wallaikum Salam in my heart
But my face says, "I am deeply offended by your existence"
There is a little miscommunication and people always apologize. For things that are so tiny that you actually end up laughing.

6- 'This Is My Face' Is Always Fun To Say
I have been told zillion times by teachers that I look sad/angry/tired/sleepy/agitated.
Well, it is just my face. With a moon face and bilateral partial ptosis and vertical squint.
And "this is my face" is what I always tell them.
Until recently, it shut everyone up.

Now a teacher actually told me, "We will have to do something about it."

So yeah, I might be getting a face transplant.

See ya