It's Not Deja Vu

 Masjid Wazir Khan
Photo courtesy: Fatima Qayyum

To anyone having trouble leaving this city

Know that you aren't alone

Millions before you have seen this time
Millions are going to face this in days to come


But the truth is even if you leave the physicality of this city, you won't. Really.

There is this character of Lahore that I haven't seen anywhere else

Trust me, I know.


It has been only five years

But as I walk upon my favorite pavement

The dust on it recognizes me

The air embraces me

The mud moulds itself to make me welcome

Then again, maybe it is Lahore's loyalty to those who are born here

Muhalla Delhi Gate
Photo courtesy: Fatima Qayyum

It's not even a question


If you come to Lahore, before you even realize that it is, finally, what is home, will be

You become a part of the air

You are what others breath in

And others are what you breathe in

Is there a bond like this, anywhere?

Bagh e Jinnah
Photo courtesy: Fatima Qayyum

What I feel is not nostalgia

I feel the clashing of a memory with an emotion

It is the color of the emotion that Lahore invokes in me that I shall miss the most

Not the people

Not the time I have had here

Nor the heart and tears I have lost here

It is that color

Color not to be found in any palette

Yet it is so real

Take a walk
Stand on the sidewalk of Mall Road
Opposite GPO
Near the pigeons
And close your eyes

You will feel the color

You will be drenched in that color

You will look like that color

Mark my words

Food Street, Gawalandi
Photo courtesy : Fatima Qayyum

Also
I will miss the way the city makes me feel when the Bazar is full and bustling

It is not a happy feeling
Neither a sad one

Well, a rather sad one if I am honest

I look at women and men, stores and vendors and they appear black and white to me

It is not deja vu if you think you are peering through a window of your future

But in my future, I am still a part of this air

In tinniest particles

Breathed in and breathed out

In the simplest of gestures of love, this city becomes one with you.

I finally understand what Mansoor meant.

Jade Cafe
Photo courtesy: Fatima Qayyum